It’s a natural rhythm – setting goals and resolutions as the journey into the new year begins. Research tells us the other half of that natural rhythm is to flail at reaching said goals in a very short period of time. In fact, the latest numbers show that 80% of people fail by February. Let’s change that! Why? Because the goals you set are important, the life you desire is within reach, and simply, because you can, damn it. Because you can. Here are three important tips to increase your success.
Decide that Compassion will be your motivating force:Humans are a funny and fickle sort. Out of training – Self-defeating messages are used as the main source of motivation. Perhaps you remind yourself how fat and terrible you are in order to stay motivated to workout. Maybe you tell yourself how absolutely lousy you are with money and your ability to make it, save it, and multiply it in order to motivate yourself to increase wealth. Do you tell yourself you are a hot mess and dizzy disaster in order to try to stay organized? To succeed, fire the messenger! Get rid of the self-critic that continues to sabotage your success. According to research, not only are self-critical people less likely to succeed, they experience larger set-backs and are more likely to give up all together. When you move from self-criticism, which is a natural default system of the brain, to self-compassion, you shift brain states and set yourself up to succeed – to transform – to reach your goals. Self-compassion allows you to align with your highest intentions.
Break down large goals into tiny daily tasks: When you imagine your goals – let’s say going on a two-week vacation to Southern Spain – it tends to first be exciting and tantalizing – dance, tapas, wine – Yes, please!!! However, you soon start to move into the part of your brain that wants to figure out how you are going to do this. Then, like a force of dark magic, you find every reason that has ever existed to prove to yourself that this is an impossible dream. You find every bit of evidence you can – You have no money. You’ll never get the time off work. Plane tickets are at an all-time high. No passport. It’s impossible to find a good pet-sitter. And just like that…you are committed to never going to Southern Spain (or anywhere else, for that matter). Your brain is quick to help you see the evidence that this is an impossibility and thus, you resign the dream. Sound familiar? You can insert any goal into this – buying a house, building a savings account, going back to school, etc.
Instead, first, decide that this WILL happen and rest assured that just deciding it will is the magic sauce that makes your dreams become reality. Don’t worry about the how. Tell your brain it will and your Reticular Activating System (RAS) – an area of your brain that sifts what you see in your environment, will aide in you seeing the evidence that it IS possible rather than impossible. Second, break the large (and a little bit terrifying) big goal into tiny, bite-size, nearly impossible to fail at, steps. For example – Research Spain, practice Spanish, talk to those who have been, complete your passport application, explore travel options, and so on. These steps keep your brain safe, motivated, and in an area where creativity thrives. You see opportunities vs. barriers. You feel success rather than defeat.
Get an accountability partner: Thinking about doing something is the beginning place of change. Committingto doing something is the next step. Telling others that you’re doing something – Now you’re getting serious. Higher a Life Coach or ask a good friend to help hold you accountable and real change is about to take place. Being held accountable – really being held accountable to your goals and the small daily choices it takes to get there – begins by getting really clear about what accountability looks like.
A Life Coach will help you clearly identify your goal, understand your motivation, help you create measurable and actionable steps, and regularly check-in on your progress. B
Change is hard. Mainly, this challenge with change is because your brain doesn’t like it. Your brain likes predictable patterns and habits. When you begin to make changes in the way you think and behave, your brain gets busy activating your panel of self-critics, making powerpoint displays of past failures, and enlisting the helping of anticipatory emotions like fear, guilt, and shame about any potential future failures. And much of the time, as research points out, your brain is successful in returning you (mostly unscathed) back to your comfort zone and away from any real and sustained change. Using these three tips – Compassion, Sizeable Tasks, and Enlisting an Accountability Partner – will help to make you one of the few that not only dream about creating a life you desire, but actually get busy living it!
Want help? Life Coaching is transformational.
Contact Tiffany at Evolutionary Consulting to learn more about coaching packages that can be done in-person or over the phone. It’s more accessible and affordable than you think.