There exists a space that lies between what you have and what you want;
Who you are and who you want to be;
How you spend your time and how you want to spend your time.
This seemingly vast divide potentially filled with land mines, hot lava, and quicksand holds enough intimidation that many people simply choose to stay on this side of that space.
You may have attempted to brave that space a few times after a boost of inspiration or a new year’s resolution only to come running back to where you started. With burned feet, a bruised ego, and a feeling of defeat, you vowed to simply stay over here. Occasionally, via social media, Pintrest, and reality TV shows, you witness a select few survive the space between. They lose the weight, do the thing, go to the place, create joy. You probably decide they cheated or had help or worse off… that they are just better than you.
I have been to the other side.
As a life coach, I witness others on their successful journey to the other side every single day.
I’m here to tell you – the space that lies between you and the better job, the business you want to build, asking the person out, feeling worthy, taking the big trip, a better marriage, or running that 10K – that space is not so big. The only thing that lies between your current model and your desired model is your willingness to no longer subscribe to your self-limiting beliefs.
I pinky promise.
Take the first step to the other side by getting really clear on what you want. Turn general statements like, “I want to travel more” into, “I’m planning a trip to Australia with my family”. Now, if you’re like most people, your brain has already gotten to work reminding you of a few important “facts”. Perhaps it sounds something like this:
I’m not actually planning the trip. I won’t be able to get the time off work and even if I did somehow get the time off, nobody else will be able to. What am I supposed to do? Go alone? I can’t go traveling around the world by myself. And none of that even matters because I don’t have the money to take a trip to Australia. And besides, air travel isn’t even fun anymore.
Sound familiar? Those are your self-limiting beliefs. That is your brain doing a fantastic job of doing what it does – keeping you safe. Travel, spending money, change – these can all register as threats to your brain. And to keep you safe, your brain turns up the volume on self-limiting messages. Without practice, you go into automatic mode and listen. You believe the messages, repeat them out loud, and find yourself saying things like, “I’ve always wanted to go there. I wish I could.”
The second step is to turn on the lights of this well-rehearsed scene. Turn on the house lights. Pay attention. You must recognize when self-limiting thoughts pop up (and be vigilant because they pop up all of the time in the sneakiest of ways). Without judgment, you think possibility-thoughts on purpose. Self-limiting thoughts have usually run in your mind unchecked for so long that you don’t even hear them anymore. You think them so often that you no longer consider them thoughts. You disregard them as optional and instead, consider
Step three – replace the script.
“I’ll never make enough money to do that” becomes “I’m really creative. I know there is a way to make this happen.”
“I can’t do that alone” become
“I wish I could do that” becomes, “I’m learning what it takes to make to do something like.”
Remember, this is optional. You don’t have to choose to think these new thoughts. You can keep thinking self-limiting beliefs – it is an option. But I
And finally, you act. You take action with intention and purpose knowing that there are many possibilities in this new space that you are navigating. You stop looking for external changes like having a better job, winning the lottery, your partner retires, the kids are grown, etc. Rather, you do the internal work – because in truth, it’s the only thing you have control over.
Instead of committing to not going on the trip and then….not going on the trip you take action towards your desired outcome:
- you choose to start reading blogs about how others have gotten to Australia.
- You subscribe to the multitude of facebook groups full of people talking about budget travel.
- You set a goal to save $1 a day for your travel fund.
- You look for super part-time job that pulls in an extra $100 a month.
- You review your budget to discover that you still have about $30 a month going out to four apps you no longer use. You cancel those and add another $30 a month to the travel fund.
Possibility-thinking leads to seeing and creating possibility. Self-limiting thoughts lead to seeing and creating limits. It’s almost always that simple and yet, it’s not easy. It’s not like getting your car’s oil changed. Get it done and you won’t have to think about it for another six months. Nope. This is constant self-work; performed again and again. Rehearsed as many times as you’ve rehearsed the self-limiting beliefs.
So…what do you want? Get clear. Write it down. Tell somebody. Then observe the self-limiting thoughts that immediately pop-up. All the reasons that your brain produces for not being able to do it – there lies your choice. Decide to no longer subscribe to those thoughts and chose possibility-thinking instead. Cross on over to the other side – to thatside. And…send a post card from Australia, will ya?
Contact Tiffany at Evolutionary Consulting to learn more about personal and professional coaching and organizational training.